Pikante – 8011 Jupiter Thong – Blue – Medium

011

Material: 93% Polyester, 7% Spandex; it’s very shiny! However, it’s also a high-maintenance fabric – you’re asked very noticeably to hand-wash the pair and hang dry. Finally, it’s odd in the sense that the material tends to stick to itself – the pair was packaged with paper to keep it mostly separated while folded, but I still had to pull it apart.
Aesthetic: HHOOOO BOY. X-D Well, most of what I’ll say has to do with the pouch/crotch area, but what I can definitely say here is SHINY. The bright color also contrasts impressively with the black waistband, giving the pair a fun/loud look just from the colors and material used.
Waistband: Relatively normal! Sits low in official images, but I wear it higher.
Pouch: Instead of having an actual front, the Jupiter thong has an open front and three elastic bands with small slide fasteners to make little loops at the end of each strap, and the middle strap longer than the two that slightly favor either side. It took me a while looking online for a non-blurred photo of someone else wearing a Jupiter thong to figure out exactly how the three bands were to be worn, so it’s not entirely straightforward, but it works. The two shorter straps together are worn like a thick C-ring at the base of the shaft, while the longer strap functions like a “strut” as it’s worn closer to the head, holding your willie out forward. Finally, the open hole of the crotch comes up under your scrotum fairly well, which combined with the harness for your junk really minimizes and skin-on-skin contact.
Backside/String: Almost an afterthought after the involved front, but the thong strap itself is a good size, if a bit noticeable thanks to the material itself. The back panel is somewhat on the larger side, but still slots in between your cheeks fairly well. Tag is sizeble and somewhat stiff, though with everything else going on, it doesn’t feel incredibly out of place.
Overall: 1.5/5 – this almost shouldn’t be considered underwear since you won’t wear this under pants, you won’t wear it to sleep, you won’t wear it just lounging around, and you (probably) can’t wear this to fuck either. And you can’t easily throw it in the wash, on top of everything else. It’s basically just a really sexy, bondage-ish costume masquerading as a thong. For looking damn sexy, I’d say it gets a 5/5, but you should only buy this if you’re going to a special event where you know you’re gonna show off and will have an opportunity to change in to this.
Great for: Sexy wear
Good for: NA

Index – ratings

Tag index of the five rating levels I’ll give at the end of each review. Note: while I’ll award half-steps in the reviews themselves, I only put the tags at whole-integer values.

N2N Bodywear – VU3 Vintage Slingshot – Denim (Blue) – Medium

005

Material: 90% Rayon, 10% Spandex, VERY soft, and ever so slightly sheer.
Aesthetic: I personally have a weakness for underwear that reminds me of other articles of clothing, and denim-look is probably at the top of the list.
Waistband: On the thicker side; soft, elastic, and somewhat rounded (instead of being a flat strap with noticeable edges) so that’s nice. Since it’s so thick, the elastic is strong even if the waistband itself was designed to not give you any red marks, but that also means that it’ll always put a bit of a squeeze on you. Can sit on the hips or at the waist depending on the angle of wear.
Pouch: The main part of the pouch is soft, but a tad bit thin, especially compared to the rest of the pair. EXCELLENT shape, though – gives you an amazing silhouette. It does have a center seam, though, which can be uncomfortable for some people. This center seam anchors the pouch to the waistband as the rest of the pouch-waistband connection is looped, bunched fabric that can slide hipward or centerward to give you a slimmer or wider pouch. This aspect is hard to control once you put the pair on, though, and especially after you put on pants.
Other: Like many slignshots, the pair has a built-in C-ring to help keep the pair in place, as there is no support structure that connects to the back half of the waistband at all. The C-ring in this pair, though, is cumbersome to the point of being unwearble, unfortunately. The C-“ring” is two straps of waistband-thick fabric that are held together by two large metal button-clasps. “Vintage” may be correct in terms of the bulkiness and the button-clasps, but it makes the pair difficult to put on (especially since clasps require either very careful fingers and/or judicious manscaping) and somewhat uncomfortable to have that much metal *inside* your package – in my opinion. The C-ring also become very noticeable – both with the button-clasps and with where it comes up under your junk – if you’re moving around a lot. It’s a shame that the C-ring is so bulky, because the pouch itself truly is quite comfortable.
Overall: 1.5/5 – a 4 for appearance and fabric, but a 0 for practicality and 1 for comfort. If you’re used to and like slingshots, I’d say go for it by all means, but for me it’s more hassle than it’s worth.
Great for: Sexy wear
Good for: Sex wear

Aussiebum – WonderYears Brief – Leo (Peach/Orange) – Medium

004

Material: 65% Polyester, 35% Cotton in a “2×2 ribbed cotton-weave”. Feels both soft and strong, plus is pretty breathable.
Aesthetic: The classic/vintage look is strong with the WonderYears line, both with the ribbed look, the noticeable waistband, and the pop of the white trim/piping. Aside from the trim/piping, the pair is a solid color, all in the pastel spectrum for the WonderYears line, but strong pastels as opposed to pastels that simply look faded.
Waistband: Not bad; comfy enough, but still noticeable with a slight squeeze. Can fold up a little bit too. Sits just above your hips. Like the waistband, most of the underwear is tight (to varying degrees) on you, which combined with the semi-low rise means this pair is in theory great for slimmer-fit pants, though be careful if the pants also have a tight waistband (or an uncomfortable tag) as you might get red marks around your actual waist.
Pouch: The classic look includes a traditional vertical fly, which often means little to no shape to the pouch because a traditional vertical fly requires a double-layer of fabric that involves multiple attachment points. However, the WonderYears line constructs each layer of the fly’s fabric out of multiple panels with a very faint vertical seam that goes right down the middle of the pouch’s front. On the plus side, this means a brief with a vertical fly actually has a very shapely, impressive front pouch (more only for your willie than for your balls, though – there’s not much ball room at the lower end of the pouch). On the flip side, though, this high-depth pouch combined with the strong, relatively inflexible trim and relatively small fly opening renders the fly absolutely useless. It’s nearly impossible to wriggle your fingers into the pouch to fetch your schlong, and the amount of stretching needed to pull the two fly openings past each other essentially cuts your sensitive organ completely off as the rigid structure of the pouch pulls back in a wicked shearing strain. So while the fly looks good and it technically function, you really can’t use it at all.

Backside: Pretty nice, honestly! Definitely soft. Gives a slight feel of thickness that the fabric in much other underwear doesn’t give, so it cushes your seat a little bit. Also, like most of the pair, it fits a bit tightly, which in this area of the pair gives your butt a nice, pert look.

Legs: Ow! The leg openings of this pair are annoyingly, uncomfortably tight! It’s hard to pull the pair on or take it off over my big thighs, and I was reminded of the fact I was wearing this pair throughout the day with the cutting squeeze it gave to the loins. If you have legs that are on the slimmer side compared to the rest of you, this pair might be fine, but it’s definitely not for me.
Overall: 1/5 – despite the nice ass, great shape of the pouch, and attractive overall aesthetic, the leg opening were a slow torture and the completely impractical fly (why include it if you’re going to make it so damn hard to use?) really soured me on this pair. They’re great if you know you’re gonna have your picture taken while showing off your briefs, but aside from that I wouldn’t recommend them at all. Oh, and as a spoiler: I have a “whitey tighty” pair of Aussiebum Classic briefs as well, and were I to do a review of that pair, it would be almost word for word the same as this review.
Great for: NA
Good for: Sexy wear